Dear Children,
Its me again, your annoying, embarrassing but ever so insightful mother (who you whole heartedly believe doesn't know anything about life).
Let's see, what other crazy things have you believed since you were ripped from my loins?? Well, there was that whole Santa thing, and the years you believed that the white grape-based beverage in my glass was juice. Oh! And what about what we fondly refer to as the "magic hat" incident, when you believed that your new baby brother got into my belly through some magic trick your father performed? It is ironic that you, in fact, know EVERYTHING whereas I know nothing whatsoever. I always knew you were brilliant, after all you share my brilliant genetics, but I sincerely hope you still remember all that EVERYTHING when you are an adult- we will all be rich.
Based on your (not so pleasant sometimes) words, you also are convinced that I'm Old School (a tag that I'm actually proud of-though I wouldn't admit it to you in a million years), stubborn (another positive in my mind) and overly expressive (yeah, yeah-that one not always my best quality).
I'm writing this letter because, due to the current average college tuition, the outrageous cost of clothing and shoes, and of course ever rising gasoline prices, I'm afraid there won't be much for me to leave you as an inheritance when I'm gone. I'm spending all my money (and your grandparents' too) while I'm alive and kicking. Be grateful that you have shoes at all at 100 bucks a pair. After I'm gone, you will have to figure out how to afford hundred dollar shoes for yourself and your own children. Good luck with that. You do know EVERYTHING, so i'm sure you will be fine. I suggest opening a Sears credit card-they have great sales sometimes, and the rustic look may be "IN" for a while.
You've told me a hundred times that I don't know anything, and are currently convinced you have all the knowledge and wisdom there is to have about the world and how it works. You have it locked up! Good for you!
I realize that because you have somehow managed to harness all this worldly wisdom in your few short years on earth, that any advice I offer you is surplus and pointless, but humor me just this one time and read on.
While I don't claim to be an expert at anything except for screwing things up, I actually have learned a thing or two that may come in handy to you on your journey through adulthood. I fully expect you to disregard every bit of it, because your tendency is to do the exact opposite of what I suggest, but as I said, there's no money or stock options for you after I croak, so take what you can get. I leave you with all the wisdom my 37 years have wrought.
Lesson #1- Love Well and Love Deeply (even when it hurts)
Love from your soul. This is guaranteed to grant you a spiritual experience that no church or drinkable, smokable substance will ever top (um, not that I know a thing about any of those substances myself of course, I'm just basing it on what your grandmother told me...). Love people for who they are, and NOT what they do for you. Money is not life or love. If someone hurts you, love them anyways, flaws and all, knowing that nobody is perfect, and humans have no road map for how to live life. Give more love than you are given, saying "I love you" often, and you will actually fill your own bucket that way. Love your family, friends, lovers-wishing the best for each one, even if their role in your life is over.
But don't just love PEOPLE, love things too (and I don't mean your hockey cards and video games). Love ideas. Love places, experiences, and moments in time. Fill your heart with the pleasure of the sound of your best friend's laughter, the feel of a lover's kiss, the majesty of the sunrise over an Adirondack or Ozark mountain range. Love the earth, the land, the trees and the air, and all the creatures that live here with us. Remember, love is FREE to give, and will make YOU richer for giving it.
Lesson #2 Your Heart Will Break
People will disappoint you, even the ones you love. Lovers will lie, manipulate or betray you. Friends will stab you in the back. Your children (yes, even your own spawn) will make your heart ache so badly you will feel the walls caving in, and you cannot breath. It will feel like someone died. You will feel disenchanted, confused, bewildered when someone you have invested in hurts you. You will feel dead inside, only you will still be alive, and have no choice but to live. So keep on living. I wish that this lesson, more than any other, was one you didn't have to learn, but sadly, I can't protect you from it. People are imperfect. They are self-centered. They are cruel sometimes. I'm sorry ahead of time that you will ever have to experience it. Your own kids will one day rip open your chest cavity, and leave you holding your own cold, bleeding heart in your hand. Believe me when I tell you it will suck. Big time. The experience may cause you to go slightly insane, but don't be too hard on yourself (thank you Dr. Kinan). There won't be a damn thing you can do about it, as you can't control other people's actions, only your own. It will hurt, plain and simple, and you have to keep waking up, because of-
Lesson #3
Don't Give Up on Happiness
You are likely to make many bad choices in your lifetime, ones that lead you to bad places. You will screw things up grandly. You will fall in love with the wrong person, take risks that end in disaster, treat someone close to you badly. You will screw up to the point of no return. You will also experience crap that is no fault of your own. Sometimes life hands you a very unfair, and unearned plate of bad karma. You may find yourself laid off, broken hearted, or unexpectedly alone. Don't give up. You never know what tomorrow will bring-and that's the truth. Some days are small days, and some are great ones. Some tomorrows bring mind blowing shit storms, and some bring sunshine and butterflies. Live for the sunshine and butterflies-they WILL come, and you will find yourself hopelessly in love, well employed, and with a house full of friends once again (as long as you follow my advice from Lesson #1 young Jedis).
Lesson #4
Work Hard for What You Love, and Love What You Do
You get ONE (listen up-ONE) chance at this life. Don't spend a single second in a career that makes you miserable, or in a relationship that hurts. But know that both careers and relationships are hard-ass work! Be prepared to give your all for someone or something that is worth it. Blood, sweat and tears my babies. When you find something or someone you love-hold on to it with all your might. Make it a success. Now, there will be times that despite herculean efforts, things will NOT work out as you thought they would. But do NOT give up. Hard work really does pay off.
Last, but not least (drum roll please)
Lesson #5
Be Careful What You Do, and Even MORE Careful What You Say-(aka-think before you do something stupid)
Stop! Listen to me-THINK before you do something stupid. There are consequences to everything we do, and sometimes they are life-altering ones. Some things create scars that will never be healed, and that is the WORST lesson to learn in real time. Treat your relationships with loved ones like fragile glass objects. They can be broken in one careless instant. The most valuable possessions you will ever have on this earth are the relationships you have with people your life. Shattered glass can be glued together, but it will always show its cracks.
I guess that's it for now. Let me think,anything else? Oh yes. Don't forget to put the toilet seat down, wear your seat belts,wear clean underwear and all that. Most of all your mother is ALWAYS right. It took me years to learn this one, but listen to your mother. You really will realize that someday when you are like me, 37, somewhat crazy, and with no blueprint for parenting. Everything on earth comes with a set of directions but babies, but do the best you can. I have.
Love,
Mom
Monday, December 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Read for GOD's Sake! READ!
The second installment of a two-part series, this week's Lock On Literacy reports on another of EPIC's early literacy programs, Ready-Set-Read!
“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.”- Frederick Douglass
Born into slavery, Frederick Douglass found his path to freedom, and by his own proclamation, found it through reading. Fighting the tyranny of repression, Douglass discovered something that all book-loving citizens can attest to – there are benefits to literacy that are life-altering.
According to the office of Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown, 30% of Buffalonians cannot read, write, speak, and listen for information and understanding. They are unable to read the newspaper; fill out job applications; and in many instances, to competently perform many jobs, Simply put, within Western New York, nearly one out of three people are not sufficiently literate and therefore have a deficit that impacts every part of their lives.
It’s no surprise to any of us that children who struggle with reading are more likely to drop out of school prior to graduation. Historically, those who do not learn to read and write are more likely to commit crimes, and end up in jail than those who develop strong literacy skills. One area program, sponsored by non-profit Every Person Influences Children (EPIC), is determined to provide parents with the tools they need to help their children become readers. Based on the notion that Family Literacy creates children who can read, Ready-Set-Read! is designed to reach out to parents who need an extra boost in developing a literacy-rich environment at home.
“An Active Learning Model really encourages parents to come up with their own ideas about how they can help their children at home,” says Jeffrey Bell, Director of Development and Marketing at EPIC. “A facilitator goes to where the parents are, and starts a conversation.”
A community-based program funded by donations by the Ronald McDonald House of WNY, the Children’s Foundation of WNY and others, Ready-Set-Read! provides family support services, most notably parenting skills and literacy education. Not only does EPIC provide parent education workshops directly in their center, but they piggy-back on to other workshops, slipping in during the lunch break or at the end of continuing education seminars for example.
Partnering with an array of local agencies, including refugee centers, battered women shelters and local GED programs, EPIC seeks out an audience that often slips through the cracks. "These are parents who don't have confidence to seek out help," explains Bell.
EPIC is determined to bring the program to the parents, providing trained specialists to assist in developing literacy skill – which in turn, they can use to help their children at home. What Bell describes as a “strength-based system”, Ready-Set Read! begins with parents offering advice and sharing tips. Once the ideas begin to flow, the facilitator makes suggestions aimed at improving parents’ understanding of how learning occurs through active involvement with books.
Following an initial adult-oriented session within the framework of other programs, participants are encouraged to bring their children to the Parent Involvement Center for additional training. Here, specialists gently guide parents as they work with their young children, sometimes even providing transportation to and from the workshops. There are actually seven sessions in all for parents, covering an array of topics from how to develop phonemic awareness, vocabulary and comprehension in young children to choosing quality books for their home. "We are teaching parents to be their child's first teacher," says Bell, and the outcomes are proof that it works. Parent surveys indicate that as many as 45% pf participants report putting what they learned the workshops into practice. Their confidence in communicating with their child's school, as well as in their own ability to support their child's learning increased as well.
Parents participating in the workshops not only get advice and training, but hands on instruction, and perhaps most importanly, a confidence boost. All of this, of course, is free of charge.
If you’d like to become involved, or to get more information, check out EPIC,
http://www.epicforchildren.org
“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.”- Frederick Douglass
Born into slavery, Frederick Douglass found his path to freedom, and by his own proclamation, found it through reading. Fighting the tyranny of repression, Douglass discovered something that all book-loving citizens can attest to – there are benefits to literacy that are life-altering.
According to the office of Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown, 30% of Buffalonians cannot read, write, speak, and listen for information and understanding. They are unable to read the newspaper; fill out job applications; and in many instances, to competently perform many jobs, Simply put, within Western New York, nearly one out of three people are not sufficiently literate and therefore have a deficit that impacts every part of their lives.
It’s no surprise to any of us that children who struggle with reading are more likely to drop out of school prior to graduation. Historically, those who do not learn to read and write are more likely to commit crimes, and end up in jail than those who develop strong literacy skills. One area program, sponsored by non-profit Every Person Influences Children (EPIC), is determined to provide parents with the tools they need to help their children become readers. Based on the notion that Family Literacy creates children who can read, Ready-Set-Read! is designed to reach out to parents who need an extra boost in developing a literacy-rich environment at home.
“An Active Learning Model really encourages parents to come up with their own ideas about how they can help their children at home,” says Jeffrey Bell, Director of Development and Marketing at EPIC. “A facilitator goes to where the parents are, and starts a conversation.”
A community-based program funded by donations by the Ronald McDonald House of WNY, the Children’s Foundation of WNY and others, Ready-Set-Read! provides family support services, most notably parenting skills and literacy education. Not only does EPIC provide parent education workshops directly in their center, but they piggy-back on to other workshops, slipping in during the lunch break or at the end of continuing education seminars for example.
Partnering with an array of local agencies, including refugee centers, battered women shelters and local GED programs, EPIC seeks out an audience that often slips through the cracks. "These are parents who don't have confidence to seek out help," explains Bell.
EPIC is determined to bring the program to the parents, providing trained specialists to assist in developing literacy skill – which in turn, they can use to help their children at home. What Bell describes as a “strength-based system”, Ready-Set Read! begins with parents offering advice and sharing tips. Once the ideas begin to flow, the facilitator makes suggestions aimed at improving parents’ understanding of how learning occurs through active involvement with books.
Following an initial adult-oriented session within the framework of other programs, participants are encouraged to bring their children to the Parent Involvement Center for additional training. Here, specialists gently guide parents as they work with their young children, sometimes even providing transportation to and from the workshops. There are actually seven sessions in all for parents, covering an array of topics from how to develop phonemic awareness, vocabulary and comprehension in young children to choosing quality books for their home. "We are teaching parents to be their child's first teacher," says Bell, and the outcomes are proof that it works. Parent surveys indicate that as many as 45% pf participants report putting what they learned the workshops into practice. Their confidence in communicating with their child's school, as well as in their own ability to support their child's learning increased as well.
Parents participating in the workshops not only get advice and training, but hands on instruction, and perhaps most importanly, a confidence boost. All of this, of course, is free of charge.
If you’d like to become involved, or to get more information, check out EPIC,
http://www.epicforchildren.org
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Ready-Set-Parent!
Do you remember your favorite book from when you were a child? I bet you do. One, which you maybe flipped through so many times the pages yellowed? How about your earliest memory of sitting on your parent’s lap, reading about Mother Goose and her wayward friends, or that lying Pinnochio and his poor wooden nose? I do. My favorite was Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott, a copy of which I still keep today.
Can you imagine a life without text? Without words? When you were sitting there with a grown-up, you were getting so much more out of it than a lesson on honesty. Whether you know it or not, reading at home taught you concepts about print, how to read from left to right, and from top to bottom. You learned to feel comfortable with text, and that words have meaning. Now imagine a home with no books. And consider what it would be like if your parent never read to you. Sadly, this is the experience of thousands of local children.
As an educator, a literacy specialist, and a passionate reader and writer, I have researched and interacted with dozens of literacy programs, both school and community based. I have found we tend to focus on reading, writing and speaking within the framework of schools, and justifiably so. Parents, as a whole aren’t trained to teach their children to read and write. In schools, students are exposed to books, drilled in the relationship between sound and letters, and taught the basic sight words needed as the basis of strong literacy development. These things happen routinely, beginning at age five when the typical Western New York child starts formal schooling, but really, it isn’t enough.
Recently, I was excited to learn about one locally based program I had to check out. Aimed at helping new parents, and sponsored dually by non-profits EPIC (Every Person Influences Children) and Baker Victory Services, Ready-Set Parent! is a free, community based set of interventions and workshops. Focused on helping at-risk families learn the value in play and in creating a literacy-rich environment within the home, Ready-Set-Parent! provides moms with information and the tools they need to use it. Answering questions, and gifting children’s books, trained specialists ensure babies born in local Buffalo area hospitals have resources to give their babies the very best start possible.
I spoke with Jeffrey Bell, the Director of Development and Marketing for EPIC, who clearly shared my excitement over putting books into the hands of babies. The first thing I discovered, surprisingly, is that Ready-Set-Parent! makes direct contact with at least sixty percent of all new mothers who give birth at Sisters Hospital, Mercy Hospital or Women and Children’s Hospital of Western New York.
Asked about funding a community based parenting education program, Bell described it as tricky, but positive. This past year, Ready-Set-Parent! was verbally ensured a two-hundred thousand dollar earmark, which was later (not surprising to anyone in this fiscal climate) junked by legislators. Funding, as with all non-profits, depends on the year. Supported by some small philanthropic donations, The United Way, as well as both the Catholic Health Services, they receive some direct payment for portions of the program from Health Insurance companies. The literacy component of this initiative is an extra, able to be tacked on to nutrition and wellness education that occurs right in the hospital rooms.
Over the years, Bell said, the level of educational programming within area maternity wards has declined due to restricted funding, frugal minded hospitals instead opting for the most basic of medical care for their new moms. Bell sees Ready-Set-Parent! as filling the gap between medical services and needed family support services.
Describing the families they serve as well intentioned but overwhelmed, and often isolated, Bell identifies the value in bringing the support directly to the hospital. Sometimes working two jobs, frequently teenage mothers estranged from their own parents, these folks usually won’t seek out help on their own. Bell says these new moms typically welcome the help.
Partnering with Baker Victory Services’ Health and Nutrition programming, EPIC facilitates visits from community-based grant funded specialists. These specially trained community members are people who can relate to those they are serving. “People are more comfortable taking parenting advice from someone they can relate to,” says Bell. So EPIC sets up sessions right in the hospitals. Bringing a uniquely crafted version of the children’s classic “Goodnight Moon”, specialists aim to build relationships with new moms, which translates into a positive parenting education program. The book, encased in a special cover containing step-by-step instructions on how to read to an infant, also includes an application to the Buffalo and Erie County Library. Moms are encouraged to seek advice and ask questions in a private setting, and are provided with information about how to engage their baby in educational play and develop a literacy rich home.
In short, they piece together enough money to give new moms books, and teach them how to use them. Considering that the greatest brain development in our lives occurs before we even begin school-I’d say this program is key to supporting a well-educated Western New York Community.
Obviously, illiteracy isn’t called a societal ill for nothing. You may know that children who struggle with reading are more likely to drop out of school prior to graduation, but did you know that historically, those who do not learn to read and write are more likely to commit crimes, and end up in jail than those who develop strong literacy skills? Students who graduate from high school have a higher lifetime income earning potential, making it less likely they will end up seeking welfare and public assistance. Most importantly, the ability to communicate successfully improves quality of life, positively improving a person’s contributions to their community.
We can all support literacy development within our WNY community. Consider becoming a Literacy volunteer, or supporting fundraising for literacy programming!
For registration information, contact EPIC at (716)332-4153.
To find out how EPIC can help YOU, check out their website: http://www.epicforchildren.org
Can you imagine a life without text? Without words? When you were sitting there with a grown-up, you were getting so much more out of it than a lesson on honesty. Whether you know it or not, reading at home taught you concepts about print, how to read from left to right, and from top to bottom. You learned to feel comfortable with text, and that words have meaning. Now imagine a home with no books. And consider what it would be like if your parent never read to you. Sadly, this is the experience of thousands of local children.
As an educator, a literacy specialist, and a passionate reader and writer, I have researched and interacted with dozens of literacy programs, both school and community based. I have found we tend to focus on reading, writing and speaking within the framework of schools, and justifiably so. Parents, as a whole aren’t trained to teach their children to read and write. In schools, students are exposed to books, drilled in the relationship between sound and letters, and taught the basic sight words needed as the basis of strong literacy development. These things happen routinely, beginning at age five when the typical Western New York child starts formal schooling, but really, it isn’t enough.
Recently, I was excited to learn about one locally based program I had to check out. Aimed at helping new parents, and sponsored dually by non-profits EPIC (Every Person Influences Children) and Baker Victory Services, Ready-Set Parent! is a free, community based set of interventions and workshops. Focused on helping at-risk families learn the value in play and in creating a literacy-rich environment within the home, Ready-Set-Parent! provides moms with information and the tools they need to use it. Answering questions, and gifting children’s books, trained specialists ensure babies born in local Buffalo area hospitals have resources to give their babies the very best start possible.
I spoke with Jeffrey Bell, the Director of Development and Marketing for EPIC, who clearly shared my excitement over putting books into the hands of babies. The first thing I discovered, surprisingly, is that Ready-Set-Parent! makes direct contact with at least sixty percent of all new mothers who give birth at Sisters Hospital, Mercy Hospital or Women and Children’s Hospital of Western New York.
Asked about funding a community based parenting education program, Bell described it as tricky, but positive. This past year, Ready-Set-Parent! was verbally ensured a two-hundred thousand dollar earmark, which was later (not surprising to anyone in this fiscal climate) junked by legislators. Funding, as with all non-profits, depends on the year. Supported by some small philanthropic donations, The United Way, as well as both the Catholic Health Services, they receive some direct payment for portions of the program from Health Insurance companies. The literacy component of this initiative is an extra, able to be tacked on to nutrition and wellness education that occurs right in the hospital rooms.
Over the years, Bell said, the level of educational programming within area maternity wards has declined due to restricted funding, frugal minded hospitals instead opting for the most basic of medical care for their new moms. Bell sees Ready-Set-Parent! as filling the gap between medical services and needed family support services.
Describing the families they serve as well intentioned but overwhelmed, and often isolated, Bell identifies the value in bringing the support directly to the hospital. Sometimes working two jobs, frequently teenage mothers estranged from their own parents, these folks usually won’t seek out help on their own. Bell says these new moms typically welcome the help.
Partnering with Baker Victory Services’ Health and Nutrition programming, EPIC facilitates visits from community-based grant funded specialists. These specially trained community members are people who can relate to those they are serving. “People are more comfortable taking parenting advice from someone they can relate to,” says Bell. So EPIC sets up sessions right in the hospitals. Bringing a uniquely crafted version of the children’s classic “Goodnight Moon”, specialists aim to build relationships with new moms, which translates into a positive parenting education program. The book, encased in a special cover containing step-by-step instructions on how to read to an infant, also includes an application to the Buffalo and Erie County Library. Moms are encouraged to seek advice and ask questions in a private setting, and are provided with information about how to engage their baby in educational play and develop a literacy rich home.
In short, they piece together enough money to give new moms books, and teach them how to use them. Considering that the greatest brain development in our lives occurs before we even begin school-I’d say this program is key to supporting a well-educated Western New York Community.
Obviously, illiteracy isn’t called a societal ill for nothing. You may know that children who struggle with reading are more likely to drop out of school prior to graduation, but did you know that historically, those who do not learn to read and write are more likely to commit crimes, and end up in jail than those who develop strong literacy skills? Students who graduate from high school have a higher lifetime income earning potential, making it less likely they will end up seeking welfare and public assistance. Most importantly, the ability to communicate successfully improves quality of life, positively improving a person’s contributions to their community.
We can all support literacy development within our WNY community. Consider becoming a Literacy volunteer, or supporting fundraising for literacy programming!
For registration information, contact EPIC at (716)332-4153.
To find out how EPIC can help YOU, check out their website: http://www.epicforchildren.org
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
WHILE WE
(My amazing son Timothy wrote this-such a grown-up perspective from a young one. He is amazing)
While we sit down and relax on the couch
Millions of people are without a house
While we go to the sink and drink some water
A young girl is crying about the man who just bought her
While we go outside in the sun
Many innocents run from the guns
While we go home to take a long nap
Hungry Children go looking for a scrap
While we out and have a good time
A poor family sleeps in grime
While we go to school and learn a new thing
Millions of people just try to keep breathing
While we drive our cars to work everyday
Millions of people fight just to see the next day
While we complain about a little recession
Half the world is fighting oppression
While we sit around with these truths we ignore
A great deal of people suffer on another shore
While we take advantage of the things that we have
All of these people wish they had what we have
While we sit down and relax on the couch
Millions of people are without a house
While we go to the sink and drink some water
A young girl is crying about the man who just bought her
While we go outside in the sun
Many innocents run from the guns
While we go home to take a long nap
Hungry Children go looking for a scrap
While we out and have a good time
A poor family sleeps in grime
While we go to school and learn a new thing
Millions of people just try to keep breathing
While we drive our cars to work everyday
Millions of people fight just to see the next day
While we complain about a little recession
Half the world is fighting oppression
While we sit around with these truths we ignore
A great deal of people suffer on another shore
While we take advantage of the things that we have
All of these people wish they had what we have
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