An Open Letter to My Children, From Your Annoying but Ever so Insightful Mother Who Loves you So Much

Dear Children,
Its me again, your annoying, embarrassing but ever so insightful mother (who you whole heartedly believe doesn't know anything about life).
Let's see, what other crazy things have you believed since you were ripped from my loins?? Well, there was that whole Santa thing, and the years you believed that the white grape-based beverage in my glass was juice. Oh! And what about what we fondly refer to as the "magic hat" incident, when you believed that your new baby brother got into my belly through some magic trick your father performed? It is ironic that you, in fact, know EVERYTHING whereas I know nothing whatsoever. I always knew you were brilliant, after all you share my brilliant genetics, but I sincerely hope you still remember all that EVERYTHING when you are an adult- we will all be rich.
Based on your (not so pleasant sometimes) words, you also are convinced that I'm Old School (a tag that I'm actually proud of-though I wouldn't admit it to you in a million years), stubborn (another positive in my mind) and overly expressive (yeah, yeah-that one not always my best quality).
I'm writing this letter because, due to the current average college tuition, the outrageous cost of clothing and shoes, and of course ever rising gasoline prices, I'm afraid there won't be much for me to leave you as an inheritance when I'm gone. I'm spending all my money (and your grandparents' too) while I'm alive and kicking. Be grateful that you have shoes at all at 100 bucks a pair. After I'm gone, you will have to figure out how to afford hundred dollar shoes for yourself and your own children. Good luck with that. You do know EVERYTHING, so i'm sure you will be fine. I suggest opening a Sears credit card-they have great sales sometimes, and the rustic look may be "IN" for a while.
You've told me a hundred times that I don't know anything, and are currently convinced you have all the knowledge and wisdom there is to have about the world and how it works. You have it locked up! Good for you!
I realize that because you have somehow managed to harness all this worldly wisdom in your few short years on earth, that any advice I offer you is surplus and pointless, but humor me just this one time and read on.
While I don't claim to be an expert at anything except for screwing things up, I actually have learned a thing or two that may come in handy to you on your journey through adulthood. I fully expect you to disregard every bit of it, because your tendency is to do the exact opposite of what I suggest, but as I said, there's no money or stock options for you after I croak, so take what you can get. I leave you with all the wisdom my 37 years have wrought.
Lesson #1- Love Well and Love Deeply (even when it hurts)
Love from your soul. This is guaranteed to grant you a spiritual experience that no church or drinkable, smokable substance will ever top (um, not that I know a thing about any of those substances myself of course, I'm just basing it on what your grandmother told me...). Love people for who they are, and NOT what they do for you. Money is not life or love. If someone hurts you, love them anyways, flaws and all, knowing that nobody is perfect, and humans have no road map for how to live life. Give more love than you are given, saying "I love you" often, and you will actually fill your own bucket that way. Love your family, friends, lovers-wishing the best for each one, even if their role in your life is over.
But don't just love PEOPLE, love things too (and I don't mean your hockey cards and video games). Love ideas. Love places, experiences, and moments in time. Fill your heart with the pleasure of the sound of your best friend's laughter, the feel of a lover's kiss, the majesty of the sunrise over an Adirondack or Ozark mountain range. Love the earth, the land, the trees and the air, and all the creatures that live here with us. Remember, love is FREE to give, and will make YOU richer for giving it.
Lesson #2 Your Heart Will Break
People will disappoint you, even the ones you love. Lovers will lie, manipulate or betray you. Friends will stab you in the back. Your children (yes, even your own spawn) will make your heart ache so badly you will feel the walls caving in, and you cannot breath. It will feel like someone died. You will feel disenchanted, confused, bewildered when someone you have invested in hurts you. You will feel dead inside, only you will still be alive, and have no choice but to live. So keep on living. I wish that this lesson, more than any other, was one you didn't have to learn, but sadly, I can't protect you from it. People are imperfect. They are self-centered. They are cruel sometimes. I'm sorry ahead of time that you will ever have to experience it. Your own kids will one day rip open your chest cavity, and leave you holding your own cold, bleeding heart in your hand. Believe me when I tell you it will suck. Big time. The experience may cause you to go slightly insane, but don't be too hard on yourself (thank you Dr. Kinan). There won't be a damn thing you can do about it, as you can't control other people's actions, only your own. It will hurt, plain and simple, and you have to keep waking up, because of-
Lesson #3
Don't Give Up on Happiness
You are likely to make many bad choices in your lifetime, ones that lead you to bad places. You will screw things up grandly. You will fall in love with the wrong person, take risks that end in disaster, treat someone close to you badly. You will screw up to the point of no return. You will also experience crap that is no fault of your own. Sometimes life hands you a very unfair, and unearned plate of bad karma. You may find yourself laid off, broken hearted, or unexpectedly alone. Don't give up. You never know what tomorrow will bring-and that's the truth. Some days are small days, and some are great ones. Some tomorrows bring mind blowing shit storms, and some bring sunshine and butterflies. Live for the sunshine and butterflies-they WILL come, and you will find yourself hopelessly in love, well employed, and with a house full of friends once again (as long as you follow my advice from Lesson #1 young Jedis).
Lesson #4
Work Hard for What You Love, and Love What You Do
You get ONE (listen up-ONE) chance at this life. Don't spend a single second in a career that makes you miserable, or in a relationship that hurts. But know that both careers and relationships are hard-ass work! Be prepared to give your all for someone or something that is worth it. Blood, sweat and tears my babies. When you find something or someone you love-hold on to it with all your might. Make it a success. Now, there will be times that despite herculean efforts, things will NOT work out as you thought they would. But do NOT give up. Hard work really does pay off.
Last, but not least (drum roll please)
Lesson #5
Be Careful What You Do, and Even MORE Careful What You Say-(aka-think before you do something stupid)
Stop! Listen to me-THINK before you do something stupid. There are consequences to everything we do, and sometimes they are life-altering ones. Some things create scars that will never be healed, and that is the WORST lesson to learn in real time. Treat your relationships with loved ones like fragile glass objects. They can be broken in one careless instant. The most valuable possessions you will ever have on this earth are the relationships you have with people your life. Shattered glass can be glued together, but it will always show its cracks.
I guess that's it for now. Let me think,anything else? Oh yes. Don't forget to put the toilet seat down, wear your seat belts,wear clean underwear and all that. Most of all your mother is ALWAYS right. It took me years to learn this one, but listen to your mother. You really will realize that someday when you are like me, 37, somewhat crazy, and with no blueprint for parenting. Everything on earth comes with a set of directions but babies, but do the best you can. I have.

Love,
Mom