Ode To My Doggies...

Ode To My Doggies… Oh doggies, why do you treat me so? I feed you Milkbones, but you still go. Under the fence, and up above, No loyalty towards my care and love. Walks twice a week, brushing and play. But at the first opportunity, you run far away. Science-diet, pigs ears too! You’re still not happy, oh what should I do? Dog park for social time, chew toys always. And then you take off, sometimes for days. Coming back, often with burs and a rash. The neighbors are beginning to think that I’m trash. This morning I opened a succulent can Of minced-white meat turkey, and laid it out in your pan. But before I could even call you to your feast, You scrambled under the fence and ran off like a beast. Your yard is all cozy, Fenced in and protected. But you still try to escape, Leaving me flustered and rejected. Do you have any idea the chaos you create? When you sneak on out, through a dead bolted gate? All day spent looking, for your wandering ass? Thats just NOT how it is done! Not middle class! Deep breath, now wait,I'm sorry, don't mean to snap, it's the scratches talking, and burs and other crap, From walking around and calling your name, in the woods and dark places, this isn't a game! Would it be all too much, To show a little appreciation? For the hundreds in vet bills, And the stark resignation… That I! I am your owner I say! Your master, your leader in every way! The neighbors are sick of it! The dog warden too! Tell me, what is the problem? What should I do? To stop you from leaving, to keep you at home? To prevent your running to wander and roam? I staked down the fence, I locked up the gate! But still you escape through holes you create. Is it too much to ask, for a dog who just lays? And chews on the grass and frolics and plays? Was it the spaying? Did it build up resentment? Instead of fostering trust and contentment? Some say, alas, gasp, that an electrical fence Is my last ditch sole option…and furthermore hence, If you continually refuse to keep yourself inside bounds, I may have to chain you like less independent hounds. So please heed my words, neither bitter nor gray, Please stay inside the yard when you want to play. I beg you, I plead! To stay put where you are, Forgo the back gate, when its slightly ajar. Leave off all your wandering, horn-dogging lust, And stay in the yard! You have to! You must! What’s so great out there anyways? Squirrels and skunks? Coming home at all hours after chasing those punks? I just can’t afford the Invisible Fence, I’ll have to restrain you, its my only defense. You’ll find yourself chained in a gated back yard, It will make frolicking so very hard. I implore you to consider these words that I say, and act like a good doggie in every way. I promise to praise you, throw the ball too, And show love, and affection and attention to you! Together we will lay in the grass and the sun, And in our OWN yard, we will have so much fun!