Ode To My Doggies...

Ode To My Doggies… Oh doggies, why do you treat me so? I feed you Milkbones, but you still go. Under the fence, and up above, No loyalty towards my care and love. Walks twice a week, brushing and play. But at the first opportunity, you run far away. Science-diet, pigs ears too! You’re still not happy, oh what should I do? Dog park for social time, chew toys always. And then you take off, sometimes for days. Coming back, often with burs and a rash. The neighbors are beginning to think that I’m trash. This morning I opened a succulent can Of minced-white meat turkey, and laid it out in your pan. But before I could even call you to your feast, You scrambled under the fence and ran off like a beast. Your yard is all cozy, Fenced in and protected. But you still try to escape, Leaving me flustered and rejected. Do you have any idea the chaos you create? When you sneak on out, through a dead bolted gate? All day spent looking, for your wandering ass? Thats just NOT how it is done! Not middle class! Deep breath, now wait,I'm sorry, don't mean to snap, it's the scratches talking, and burs and other crap, From walking around and calling your name, in the woods and dark places, this isn't a game! Would it be all too much, To show a little appreciation? For the hundreds in vet bills, And the stark resignation… That I! I am your owner I say! Your master, your leader in every way! The neighbors are sick of it! The dog warden too! Tell me, what is the problem? What should I do? To stop you from leaving, to keep you at home? To prevent your running to wander and roam? I staked down the fence, I locked up the gate! But still you escape through holes you create. Is it too much to ask, for a dog who just lays? And chews on the grass and frolics and plays? Was it the spaying? Did it build up resentment? Instead of fostering trust and contentment? Some say, alas, gasp, that an electrical fence Is my last ditch sole option…and furthermore hence, If you continually refuse to keep yourself inside bounds, I may have to chain you like less independent hounds. So please heed my words, neither bitter nor gray, Please stay inside the yard when you want to play. I beg you, I plead! To stay put where you are, Forgo the back gate, when its slightly ajar. Leave off all your wandering, horn-dogging lust, And stay in the yard! You have to! You must! What’s so great out there anyways? Squirrels and skunks? Coming home at all hours after chasing those punks? I just can’t afford the Invisible Fence, I’ll have to restrain you, its my only defense. You’ll find yourself chained in a gated back yard, It will make frolicking so very hard. I implore you to consider these words that I say, and act like a good doggie in every way. I promise to praise you, throw the ball too, And show love, and affection and attention to you! Together we will lay in the grass and the sun, And in our OWN yard, we will have so much fun!

And All The Balls Fall….

And All The Balls Fall…… What? So sometimes I drop the ball. You know, that old saying when someone who screwed things up owns that shit and says “ I dropped the ball!” and everyone kind of nods and says “no problem”? Only it really is a problem when you’re a single mom to three kids who depend on you to keep all the balls in flux. You know, the balls? Like homework, and doctor appointments and orthodontia appointments, and track meets and baseball games and, oh, meals? Sometimes, when all those things are juggling around like some vast circus in the air, sometimes it can be really, REALLY hard not to drop one. Especially when work is especially demanding and something like a cold or the flu throws a really sharp edge into your day, it can be even harder than usual to keep the juggling act flying. This time it was a doctor appointment. , a simple check-in for a child who has high cholesterol at a particularly young age and needs to be monitored by a physician. I knew about the check-in. It was on my calendar. I heard the reminder voice-mail. I had it on my agenda. How could I forget? The doctor is SO nice. She has answered my every semi-crazed call for help over the past year about all of my children. Child #1 has a croupy cough…could it be swine flu? Child #2 is extremely moody…could it be depression? Child #3 has a strange rash on his leg…staph? And I stiffed her. And my son missed his check-in for a relatively serious medical issue. I don’t know how I forgot. My brain says it was the intense meeting at work that distracted me, or the phone call Friday afternoon to discuss missing homework from the teacher of my other son. Maybe it was the email from the baseball coach, changing the time and date of practice? Or the in depth conversation with another child’s counselor that consumed my thoughts. Whatever it was that made that doctor appointment slide off as a blip on the radar, it still sucks. I dropped that ball like I had grease on my hands, and I am the only one to blame. But, really, what can I do now? Pick that ball up, reschedule and keep juggling. I have, after all, had much experience managing this show, and I know that sometimes, just sometimes, if you just grab that ball up and throw it back into the mix, sometimes not everyone notices. Or sometimes they do notice and it feels really shitty. But you have to keep juggling anyways.

We Learn From History

Not afraid to admit I am somewhat of a history geek-I know-we learn from history. Officials, the really wise ones at least, study history as a blue print for the future of our civilation. The United States has been created, stone by heavy stone, constructed from times and events that occurred long before our very first breath. Such as the policies, direction and avenue for this nation has been dictated by actions of patriots who came before, so are our lives guided by our own personal history. Personal history, sometimes surreal, often illogical is manifested through both experiences we have with others, and choices we have made along the way. We learn to think, to react, to love to hurt, to heal, all because of exchanges of thought and emotion. What we take from it depends mostly on what we have learned through careful studying. One thing that is tough to learn, yet is an everlasting lesson is how to handle defeat. The truly great leaders have been able to decide when it is time to muster a rally, and when to give up and count their casualties. It is like this in life. We all aren't genius generals, but how we handle losing situations can direct our future. Losing a job is like that. Being told you are no longer needed is the most demeaning kind of defeat. You have worked hard for years, possibly spent years in school or training to accomplish the American Dream. When that fails, it is easy to find yourself feeling insignificant or unworthy. And what to do now? Go back to school? Take on a new career, effectively abandoning all you have worked so hard for? Sometimes retreat, and regroup is the only option, encountering life-altering financial devastation along the way.We spend so much time on our careers these days, away from our families, our children, our loved ones. Investing our very being into jobs, to which, ultimately,leave us high and dry. Losing someone you love is like that, too. Experiencing the painful realization that you are insignificant, meaningless, regardless of how much you have cared or sacrificed. Blood, sweat and tears can only get us so far. We, after all, are humans. Humans make mistakes, trust people who hurt us, choose unwisely often. Learning from this history can be devastating. Broken hearts and dreams make us harder, tougher, colder. No longer are we so quick to love, to trust, or to work at something we believe in, when there is little left us to believe in. The thing I think is most important is to maintain dignity in both loss, love and dismissal. Never is our path in life smooth or clear. We must leap over those hurdles that life sets before us, otherwise, we are always to be stuck alone on that same road. Sometimes retreat is necessary...regroup and reformulate. I think our forefathers might have seen that best-never questioning that the ideal is within all of our reach. Muster up, reformulate, and advance. A happy life is worth it.

An Open Letter to My Children, From Your Annoying but Ever so Insightful Mother Who Loves you So Much

Dear Children,
Its me again, your annoying, embarrassing but ever so insightful mother (who you whole heartedly believe doesn't know anything about life).
Let's see, what other crazy things have you believed since you were ripped from my loins?? Well, there was that whole Santa thing, and the years you believed that the white grape-based beverage in my glass was juice. Oh! And what about what we fondly refer to as the "magic hat" incident, when you believed that your new baby brother got into my belly through some magic trick your father performed? It is ironic that you, in fact, know EVERYTHING whereas I know nothing whatsoever. I always knew you were brilliant, after all you share my brilliant genetics, but I sincerely hope you still remember all that EVERYTHING when you are an adult- we will all be rich.
Based on your (not so pleasant sometimes) words, you also are convinced that I'm Old School (a tag that I'm actually proud of-though I wouldn't admit it to you in a million years), stubborn (another positive in my mind) and overly expressive (yeah, yeah-that one not always my best quality).
I'm writing this letter because, due to the current average college tuition, the outrageous cost of clothing and shoes, and of course ever rising gasoline prices, I'm afraid there won't be much for me to leave you as an inheritance when I'm gone. I'm spending all my money (and your grandparents' too) while I'm alive and kicking. Be grateful that you have shoes at all at 100 bucks a pair. After I'm gone, you will have to figure out how to afford hundred dollar shoes for yourself and your own children. Good luck with that. You do know EVERYTHING, so i'm sure you will be fine. I suggest opening a Sears credit card-they have great sales sometimes, and the rustic look may be "IN" for a while.
You've told me a hundred times that I don't know anything, and are currently convinced you have all the knowledge and wisdom there is to have about the world and how it works. You have it locked up! Good for you!
I realize that because you have somehow managed to harness all this worldly wisdom in your few short years on earth, that any advice I offer you is surplus and pointless, but humor me just this one time and read on.
While I don't claim to be an expert at anything except for screwing things up, I actually have learned a thing or two that may come in handy to you on your journey through adulthood. I fully expect you to disregard every bit of it, because your tendency is to do the exact opposite of what I suggest, but as I said, there's no money or stock options for you after I croak, so take what you can get. I leave you with all the wisdom my 37 years have wrought.
Lesson #1- Love Well and Love Deeply (even when it hurts)
Love from your soul. This is guaranteed to grant you a spiritual experience that no church or drinkable, smokable substance will ever top (um, not that I know a thing about any of those substances myself of course, I'm just basing it on what your grandmother told me...). Love people for who they are, and NOT what they do for you. Money is not life or love. If someone hurts you, love them anyways, flaws and all, knowing that nobody is perfect, and humans have no road map for how to live life. Give more love than you are given, saying "I love you" often, and you will actually fill your own bucket that way. Love your family, friends, lovers-wishing the best for each one, even if their role in your life is over.
But don't just love PEOPLE, love things too (and I don't mean your hockey cards and video games). Love ideas. Love places, experiences, and moments in time. Fill your heart with the pleasure of the sound of your best friend's laughter, the feel of a lover's kiss, the majesty of the sunrise over an Adirondack or Ozark mountain range. Love the earth, the land, the trees and the air, and all the creatures that live here with us. Remember, love is FREE to give, and will make YOU richer for giving it.
Lesson #2 Your Heart Will Break
People will disappoint you, even the ones you love. Lovers will lie, manipulate or betray you. Friends will stab you in the back. Your children (yes, even your own spawn) will make your heart ache so badly you will feel the walls caving in, and you cannot breath. It will feel like someone died. You will feel disenchanted, confused, bewildered when someone you have invested in hurts you. You will feel dead inside, only you will still be alive, and have no choice but to live. So keep on living. I wish that this lesson, more than any other, was one you didn't have to learn, but sadly, I can't protect you from it. People are imperfect. They are self-centered. They are cruel sometimes. I'm sorry ahead of time that you will ever have to experience it. Your own kids will one day rip open your chest cavity, and leave you holding your own cold, bleeding heart in your hand. Believe me when I tell you it will suck. Big time. The experience may cause you to go slightly insane, but don't be too hard on yourself (thank you Dr. Kinan). There won't be a damn thing you can do about it, as you can't control other people's actions, only your own. It will hurt, plain and simple, and you have to keep waking up, because of-
Lesson #3
Don't Give Up on Happiness
You are likely to make many bad choices in your lifetime, ones that lead you to bad places. You will screw things up grandly. You will fall in love with the wrong person, take risks that end in disaster, treat someone close to you badly. You will screw up to the point of no return. You will also experience crap that is no fault of your own. Sometimes life hands you a very unfair, and unearned plate of bad karma. You may find yourself laid off, broken hearted, or unexpectedly alone. Don't give up. You never know what tomorrow will bring-and that's the truth. Some days are small days, and some are great ones. Some tomorrows bring mind blowing shit storms, and some bring sunshine and butterflies. Live for the sunshine and butterflies-they WILL come, and you will find yourself hopelessly in love, well employed, and with a house full of friends once again (as long as you follow my advice from Lesson #1 young Jedis).
Lesson #4
Work Hard for What You Love, and Love What You Do
You get ONE (listen up-ONE) chance at this life. Don't spend a single second in a career that makes you miserable, or in a relationship that hurts. But know that both careers and relationships are hard-ass work! Be prepared to give your all for someone or something that is worth it. Blood, sweat and tears my babies. When you find something or someone you love-hold on to it with all your might. Make it a success. Now, there will be times that despite herculean efforts, things will NOT work out as you thought they would. But do NOT give up. Hard work really does pay off.
Last, but not least (drum roll please)
Lesson #5
Be Careful What You Do, and Even MORE Careful What You Say-(aka-think before you do something stupid)
Stop! Listen to me-THINK before you do something stupid. There are consequences to everything we do, and sometimes they are life-altering ones. Some things create scars that will never be healed, and that is the WORST lesson to learn in real time. Treat your relationships with loved ones like fragile glass objects. They can be broken in one careless instant. The most valuable possessions you will ever have on this earth are the relationships you have with people your life. Shattered glass can be glued together, but it will always show its cracks.
I guess that's it for now. Let me think,anything else? Oh yes. Don't forget to put the toilet seat down, wear your seat belts,wear clean underwear and all that. Most of all your mother is ALWAYS right. It took me years to learn this one, but listen to your mother. You really will realize that someday when you are like me, 37, somewhat crazy, and with no blueprint for parenting. Everything on earth comes with a set of directions but babies, but do the best you can. I have.

Love,
Mom

Read for GOD's Sake! READ!

The second installment of a two-part series, this week's Lock On Literacy reports on another of EPIC's early literacy programs, Ready-Set-Read!
“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.”- Frederick Douglass
Born into slavery, Frederick Douglass found his path to freedom, and by his own proclamation, found it through reading. Fighting the tyranny of repression, Douglass discovered something that all book-loving citizens can attest to – there are benefits to literacy that are life-altering.
According to the office of Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown, 30% of Buffalonians cannot read, write, speak, and listen for information and understanding. They are unable to read the newspaper; fill out job applications; and in many instances, to competently perform many jobs, Simply put, within Western New York, nearly one out of three people are not sufficiently literate and therefore have a deficit that impacts every part of their lives.
It’s no surprise to any of us that children who struggle with reading are more likely to drop out of school prior to graduation. Historically, those who do not learn to read and write are more likely to commit crimes, and end up in jail than those who develop strong literacy skills. One area program, sponsored by non-profit Every Person Influences Children (EPIC), is determined to provide parents with the tools they need to help their children become readers. Based on the notion that Family Literacy creates children who can read, Ready-Set-Read! is designed to reach out to parents who need an extra boost in developing a literacy-rich environment at home.
“An Active Learning Model really encourages parents to come up with their own ideas about how they can help their children at home,” says Jeffrey Bell, Director of Development and Marketing at EPIC. “A facilitator goes to where the parents are, and starts a conversation.”
A community-based program funded by donations by the Ronald McDonald House of WNY, the Children’s Foundation of WNY and others, Ready-Set-Read! provides family support services, most notably parenting skills and literacy education. Not only does EPIC provide parent education workshops directly in their center, but they piggy-back on to other workshops, slipping in during the lunch break or at the end of continuing education seminars for example.
Partnering with an array of local agencies, including refugee centers, battered women shelters and local GED programs, EPIC seeks out an audience that often slips through the cracks. "These are parents who don't have confidence to seek out help," explains Bell.
EPIC is determined to bring the program to the parents, providing trained specialists to assist in developing literacy skill – which in turn, they can use to help their children at home. What Bell describes as a “strength-based system”, Ready-Set Read! begins with parents offering advice and sharing tips. Once the ideas begin to flow, the facilitator makes suggestions aimed at improving parents’ understanding of how learning occurs through active involvement with books.
Following an initial adult-oriented session within the framework of other programs, participants are encouraged to bring their children to the Parent Involvement Center for additional training. Here, specialists gently guide parents as they work with their young children, sometimes even providing transportation to and from the workshops. There are actually seven sessions in all for parents, covering an array of topics from how to develop phonemic awareness, vocabulary and comprehension in young children to choosing quality books for their home. "We are teaching parents to be their child's first teacher," says Bell, and the outcomes are proof that it works. Parent surveys indicate that as many as 45% pf participants report putting what they learned the workshops into practice. Their confidence in communicating with their child's school, as well as in their own ability to support their child's learning increased as well.
Parents participating in the workshops not only get advice and training, but hands on instruction, and perhaps most importanly, a confidence boost. All of this, of course, is free of charge.
If you’d like to become involved, or to get more information, check out EPIC,
http://www.epicforchildren.org

Ready-Set-Parent!

Do you remember your favorite book from when you were a child? I bet you do. One, which you maybe flipped through so many times the pages yellowed? How about your earliest memory of sitting on your parent’s lap, reading about Mother Goose and her wayward friends, or that lying Pinnochio and his poor wooden nose? I do. My favorite was Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott, a copy of which I still keep today.
Can you imagine a life without text? Without words? When you were sitting there with a grown-up, you were getting so much more out of it than a lesson on honesty. Whether you know it or not, reading at home taught you concepts about print, how to read from left to right, and from top to bottom. You learned to feel comfortable with text, and that words have meaning. Now imagine a home with no books. And consider what it would be like if your parent never read to you. Sadly, this is the experience of thousands of local children.
As an educator, a literacy specialist, and a passionate reader and writer, I have researched and interacted with dozens of literacy programs, both school and community based. I have found we tend to focus on reading, writing and speaking within the framework of schools, and justifiably so. Parents, as a whole aren’t trained to teach their children to read and write. In schools, students are exposed to books, drilled in the relationship between sound and letters, and taught the basic sight words needed as the basis of strong literacy development. These things happen routinely, beginning at age five when the typical Western New York child starts formal schooling, but really, it isn’t enough.
Recently, I was excited to learn about one locally based program I had to check out. Aimed at helping new parents, and sponsored dually by non-profits EPIC (Every Person Influences Children) and Baker Victory Services, Ready-Set Parent! is a free, community based set of interventions and workshops. Focused on helping at-risk families learn the value in play and in creating a literacy-rich environment within the home, Ready-Set-Parent! provides moms with information and the tools they need to use it. Answering questions, and gifting children’s books, trained specialists ensure babies born in local Buffalo area hospitals have resources to give their babies the very best start possible.
I spoke with Jeffrey Bell, the Director of Development and Marketing for EPIC, who clearly shared my excitement over putting books into the hands of babies. The first thing I discovered, surprisingly, is that Ready-Set-Parent! makes direct contact with at least sixty percent of all new mothers who give birth at Sisters Hospital, Mercy Hospital or Women and Children’s Hospital of Western New York.
Asked about funding a community based parenting education program, Bell described it as tricky, but positive. This past year, Ready-Set-Parent! was verbally ensured a two-hundred thousand dollar earmark, which was later (not surprising to anyone in this fiscal climate) junked by legislators. Funding, as with all non-profits, depends on the year. Supported by some small philanthropic donations, The United Way, as well as both the Catholic Health Services, they receive some direct payment for portions of the program from Health Insurance companies. The literacy component of this initiative is an extra, able to be tacked on to nutrition and wellness education that occurs right in the hospital rooms.
Over the years, Bell said, the level of educational programming within area maternity wards has declined due to restricted funding, frugal minded hospitals instead opting for the most basic of medical care for their new moms. Bell sees Ready-Set-Parent! as filling the gap between medical services and needed family support services.
Describing the families they serve as well intentioned but overwhelmed, and often isolated, Bell identifies the value in bringing the support directly to the hospital. Sometimes working two jobs, frequently teenage mothers estranged from their own parents, these folks usually won’t seek out help on their own. Bell says these new moms typically welcome the help.
Partnering with Baker Victory Services’ Health and Nutrition programming, EPIC facilitates visits from community-based grant funded specialists. These specially trained community members are people who can relate to those they are serving. “People are more comfortable taking parenting advice from someone they can relate to,” says Bell. So EPIC sets up sessions right in the hospitals. Bringing a uniquely crafted version of the children’s classic “Goodnight Moon”, specialists aim to build relationships with new moms, which translates into a positive parenting education program. The book, encased in a special cover containing step-by-step instructions on how to read to an infant, also includes an application to the Buffalo and Erie County Library. Moms are encouraged to seek advice and ask questions in a private setting, and are provided with information about how to engage their baby in educational play and develop a literacy rich home.
In short, they piece together enough money to give new moms books, and teach them how to use them. Considering that the greatest brain development in our lives occurs before we even begin school-I’d say this program is key to supporting a well-educated Western New York Community.
Obviously, illiteracy isn’t called a societal ill for nothing. You may know that children who struggle with reading are more likely to drop out of school prior to graduation, but did you know that historically, those who do not learn to read and write are more likely to commit crimes, and end up in jail than those who develop strong literacy skills? Students who graduate from high school have a higher lifetime income earning potential, making it less likely they will end up seeking welfare and public assistance. Most importantly, the ability to communicate successfully improves quality of life, positively improving a person’s contributions to their community.
We can all support literacy development within our WNY community. Consider becoming a Literacy volunteer, or supporting fundraising for literacy programming!

For registration information, contact EPIC at (716)332-4153.
To find out how EPIC can help YOU, check out their website: http://www.epicforchildren.org

WHILE WE

(My amazing son Timothy wrote this-such a grown-up perspective from a young one. He is amazing)
While we sit down and relax on the couch
Millions of people are without a house
While we go to the sink and drink some water
A young girl is crying about the man who just bought her
While we go outside in the sun
Many innocents run from the guns
While we go home to take a long nap
Hungry Children go looking for a scrap
While we out and have a good time
A poor family sleeps in grime
While we go to school and learn a new thing
Millions of people just try to keep breathing
While we drive our cars to work everyday
Millions of people fight just to see the next day
While we complain about a little recession
Half the world is fighting oppression
While we sit around with these truths we ignore
A great deal of people suffer on another shore
While we take advantage of the things that we have
All of these people wish they had what we have